Sick and Twisted.

So, I realized something about myself. It's kind of disconcerting. I don't know what to do with myself if I'm not in pain, I feel delusional, empty. Maybe it's the reason why I do alot of things, I think I feel like I can't feel emotions if I'm not in pain, and maybe if I'm tired. Am I self sabotoging myself to think I'm doing better for myself? I don't even know. We live in a sick twisted world, don't you think?

Starting my Christmas list a little early : ]

Okay, So, I'm hoping this is easy : ] lol
The picture is what I want, move the mouse over the picture to see where it's from AND the price. Click on the picture and it will take you directly to it.
PS, I don't make these so you can get me things, I just like compiling what I like, it's fun for me.



















Really I just want a not so typical Japanese soup spoon : ] And Chopsticks! lol


Really just a cute owl pillow or stuffed animal : ]





























That's all for nowwww

Spoon Feeding.

So me and my mom's best friend about being spoon fed the bible, when we need to be digging in herself. I started thinking about the bible study God has told me to do, and through it I have learned more this year, about the bible, than I have in the 7 years of my follow. Because We're studying it in a whole, rather than verse here and there. Being spoon fed is handycapping your mind from fully forming your opinion and actually understanding what's fully in the bible. We need to self dive in the bible and read and read... its like a never ending gobstopper... you can read a verse one time, get something out of it, then go back and read something new out of it. Everytime you read, you go deeper and deeper. Even when sometimes you feel like your going back to the basics... your still going deeper... in order to go deeper you've got to get through the top layer. Sometimes going back to the basics also gives you more understanding... learn things more and differently... so my prayer is... strip me down remove all excess bring me back to the basics... don't let me miss it this time... everyones moving on, when I'm not sure they should.
Come and Awaken Love.

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I'm sick of me.

My flesh and spirit are at war, I can feel it so much right now. This knotting in my stomach makes me want to keel over. I want so much to be alone with God. Be in that secret place of romance. Let the veil fall off, I'm done with it. No more shackles, no more shame. I'm so entraced by Him. I want to be free, really free, feel free. I want the sound my father has given me. I want to be drenched in His fragrence. Marry me, take me where I have never been before... so far I can't tell what my flesh wants anymore. I've had enough listening to those other lies, satan you can't tell me I don't want this anymore. To be seperated with all that is associated with you.

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You've Done this All wrong

Okay, so very strongly i feel like
"You've done this all wrong, your intercessors. Intercede! You've become lazy. Pray, fast, worship through everything. You've relied on your own understanding, rise up now, stay risen. Don't sit down. You can't do it without me, yet you try to."
*sigh* Life lessons.

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AGH! *SCREAM* *Antsy*

Those are some feelings, huh? Well let me get this one out first.
Someone just called saying my sister sent texts to one of our, sorta family members, saying that she's saying stuff like "Life sucks" and "I want to drink", blah blah blah. Now, yes, my sister did just turn 13, BUT she's happt. Right now she's down south, where we just were, with her best friends for 2 weeks. She said those texts were sent the day we left... errr I don't think so. Wedger has joked about drinking, and doing drugs, but I know for a fact it's just because she thinks it's cool to joke about them, she wants to feel like one of the big kids. She hasn't dealt with depression like me, she's not like that. Her best friend doesn't drink, I know rhis for a fact and drugs either. Urgh! I want to talk to Wedger, but I need to let my parents deal with this. *sigh*

Second reason why I'm like this?
I hate having to tiptoe around people because they dislike me so much they'll make anything out of anything. Smile, and talk bad about me. Seriously? Just tell me to my face! GR!

I have no one to talk to about this, Papaya was cleaning (her job) and she was suppose to text me back. *Sigh* I'm guessing she got busy, but still. Blegh.
Mr. Dinosaur is at work :/
It's hard to go visit him without money :/
Blah. Blah. Blah.


Like I said we went down south, I had an awesome time. I love it down there : ] I like the city, so much more than this country atmosphere. I do love my best/close friends that are here though, that is a good thing. But it's hard coming back and fighting depression. It sucks.

One of my friends, Kiwano, I feel like she's been pushing me away... I don't know what I've done...
*sigh*

*sings* Here comes depression... doo doo doo doo
it's not all right


Well, I have a credit card question. Not that I am going to get answers, which sucks. But here it goes.


I need to start building credit. I need a credit card. Which is better to get? Visa, Master Card, Discover, etc, etc?

I just got a Discover Card thing in the mail, and I LOVE the design of the credit card, but I think I prefer Visa more....

HELP?!

Aqui hay amor

Heyyyy,
So things have been crazy busy, and in my spare time I have been watching movies through netflix : ]. Yes I bought myself netflix : ]. I love it, the combination of that and having blockbuster and redbox, I'm in movie heaven : ], lol. Okay, so moving on.

I wanted to say something, but I completely lost it, egh I hate when I do this. It sucks. I'm in that wave I get of really being at my worse with my attention span and memory loss, and crap. *sigh* I don't really know, I suppose I'll have to write later, I also should get started on cleaning :/