You've Done this All wrong

Okay, so very strongly i feel like
"You've done this all wrong, your intercessors. Intercede! You've become lazy. Pray, fast, worship through everything. You've relied on your own understanding, rise up now, stay risen. Don't sit down. You can't do it without me, yet you try to."
*sigh* Life lessons.

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AGH! *SCREAM* *Antsy*

Those are some feelings, huh? Well let me get this one out first.
Someone just called saying my sister sent texts to one of our, sorta family members, saying that she's saying stuff like "Life sucks" and "I want to drink", blah blah blah. Now, yes, my sister did just turn 13, BUT she's happt. Right now she's down south, where we just were, with her best friends for 2 weeks. She said those texts were sent the day we left... errr I don't think so. Wedger has joked about drinking, and doing drugs, but I know for a fact it's just because she thinks it's cool to joke about them, she wants to feel like one of the big kids. She hasn't dealt with depression like me, she's not like that. Her best friend doesn't drink, I know rhis for a fact and drugs either. Urgh! I want to talk to Wedger, but I need to let my parents deal with this. *sigh*

Second reason why I'm like this?
I hate having to tiptoe around people because they dislike me so much they'll make anything out of anything. Smile, and talk bad about me. Seriously? Just tell me to my face! GR!

I have no one to talk to about this, Papaya was cleaning (her job) and she was suppose to text me back. *Sigh* I'm guessing she got busy, but still. Blegh.
Mr. Dinosaur is at work :/
It's hard to go visit him without money :/
Blah. Blah. Blah.


Like I said we went down south, I had an awesome time. I love it down there : ] I like the city, so much more than this country atmosphere. I do love my best/close friends that are here though, that is a good thing. But it's hard coming back and fighting depression. It sucks.

One of my friends, Kiwano, I feel like she's been pushing me away... I don't know what I've done...
*sigh*

*sings* Here comes depression... doo doo doo doo
it's not all right


Well, I have a credit card question. Not that I am going to get answers, which sucks. But here it goes.


I need to start building credit. I need a credit card. Which is better to get? Visa, Master Card, Discover, etc, etc?

I just got a Discover Card thing in the mail, and I LOVE the design of the credit card, but I think I prefer Visa more....

HELP?!

Aqui hay amor

Heyyyy,
So things have been crazy busy, and in my spare time I have been watching movies through netflix : ]. Yes I bought myself netflix : ]. I love it, the combination of that and having blockbuster and redbox, I'm in movie heaven : ], lol. Okay, so moving on.

I wanted to say something, but I completely lost it, egh I hate when I do this. It sucks. I'm in that wave I get of really being at my worse with my attention span and memory loss, and crap. *sigh* I don't really know, I suppose I'll have to write later, I also should get started on cleaning :/

Let Me Be Your Savior.

Everyone loves the act of being saved. Having your love one's come and gather around you. Love overwhelming you. That choking bittersweet haven. Five million emotions controlling your every vessel. It's exciting, thrilling, and lucrative. You actually feel something.

But for those who crave that feeling, usually being the case they don't have love flowing constantly, they don't understand what they do to those who've grown to love them. Yes, being in the act of new salvation is... Amazing. But to the savers/saviors, It breaks the heart. Mending is almost not an option.

I know it's so hard staying saved, feels... uncanny. Love always feels like it has waves. It doesn't. Our emotions get the best of us, even when we don't have emotions.

"My cheatin' heart"

Okay, so what's been on my mind?
I'll let you have it :P

I have been thinking alot about people cheating. I left on the TV, I believe Oxygen, and Desprate Housewives came on. I wasn't totally watching or paying attention, so it just played. I got the gist of it though, and the one lady was cheating on her husband with some guy she hired or something, I'm not sure, I don't watch the show, lol. I was disgusted by the matter because it's not like it showed her cheating in bad light, it was funny, comical, and "delightful".
I wanted to post something about it on facebook, but I know people who watch the show, and I don't like that sort of attention. And I am sorry if I offend you, please don't get deffensive? Thankyou. Now, anyways, I was coming home from... Target, that's the place, lol, and I heard this song by... Enrique, and... I forgot who else. But anyways, I like some of Enrique's songs so I decided to sit and listen. What do you know? I heard something like "Your boyfriend's out of town" and "My girlfriend's out of town". I was sitting there thinking, really? Why do we encourage this?
Now I know not everyone thinks that it's okay. I do, I just think that singing that is retarded. You know guys are singing them to girls, whether or not they do have a girlfriend, she has a boyfriend.

I have never been cheated on, and I'm really sorry for those who have. Truely. But it's media like this that helps the growing rate of cheaters. I'm kinda like, would you really like it if your significant other does it to you. No, you would be heartbroken, even if you wouldn't like to admit it.

Sorry to be so brutal in the matter. It sickens me. Now I must clean. Cleaning sickens me too :P lol

Loveyou : ]
Kiwi Lee

Flashlight and the sun.

Okay, so I'm back : ] lol. Not that you missed me. lol

Okay so I'll start with wedding details. Since I left you in a lurch, lol.
1)place: Sanchez House : ]
http://www.sanchezhouseweddings.com/

2) Wedding Dress: Fabulous!
http://www.unique-vintage.com/sale-ivory-taffeta-silver-lace-wedding-gown-p-2965.html

3)Guest list: made.

4)Invitations: Photobooth madness.
Perfect for me and "mr. dinosaur's" personality.

5)Reception food: Tacos?
I wanted something cheap, and didn't want burden any of our parents to do the cooking. I can just brown the beef the night before and cook it on low in crock pots.

6)Date: My birthday?
The only thing that's iffy is that it's on a weekday. Tuesday. Though that will cut down on attendance (because we're technically over the est. number of people). I think we'll make it work. We still need to go down there.

Other than the little things, I don't know what else needs to be planned. I have the girls picked out, He has the guys. My youngest sister and my best friends little brother, are going to be mini bride and mini groom. My sister doubling as a "flower" girl, though it's not going to be flower petals, it's gunna be glitter lol. And yes I am sorta stealing the J & K dance thing. We're doing Diamonds by Breathe Carolina. I like the not having all the attention on me thing. Mmm, let me see if there's anything else, hmmm. We're shopping for table toppers at the dollar store. Cake? mmm I have a feeling the cake's going to be thrown at me. The theme is seaming like it's going to be Spanish themed. I am Spaniard, so I think it fits. Mmmm. That's all for the wedding. Ideas are always welcomed. I don't want a usual wedding. Oh and if there's more I need to worry about, feedback, feedback, feedback.


Now for those who know me, I am not engaged, officially. This may seam strange to you, though the course of my entire relationship is not exactly normal either. So I'm sorry if you can't comprehend it. Yes, he does know about the wedding, he's been right beside me step by step in planning. The main thing that's "holding" us back is the ring. We cannot afford a ring. So an idea has been proposed. Get me a cheap ring until he get's out of bootcamp, and go ahead and make it official. I'm not sure if that's what should happen or not. I suppose that I'll just see what God says. One reason I do want to hurry and be engaged officially, is because I want to give my great grandpa (papa) time to be able to get his bearings to get out here. Plus, technically we are. So who knows what will happen.


Okay, so finally... outside the wedding.
I dislike summer. I want all the kids to go back to school. I hate the way they drive, and their stupidity. Yes, I do realize I am still I teen, at the age of 19. But, I do not like the way most teenagers act, two-faced, lyhing, imature, annoying, rude, the list goes on and on. If I offend you, I am sorry. This is reality.

I saw Killars today, loved it. It was so random, perfect for me, lol. The movie's love for mustaches, astounded me, lol. Ashton Kutcher doing a mostly serious role? Pretty darn good. I don't care for Katherine Heigl though, sorry.

Ancestry is kicking my butt! I can't get any further than what I already have. It's hard because I only have 1-4 generations in the states (including my parents). One line is indian, hard to get any info on them. And back then all dark skinned people were called mexican! Ay ay ay, Dios mio. Another line came from spain. Then you have german and indian in 2 lines together. It's confusing, and my family has all this drama that I try not to ruffle feathers, it's hard. But yeah I can't do anything until I sign up for world. *sigh*

Well I suppose that's it for now... again ideas, feedback, more than welcome. I hope people start reading some of this stuff, it'd be nice. lol

-Kiwi Lee

New start, new ideas.

Okay, so I think I'm going to officially go ahead and really start using this thing. So here I go. I'll be keeping this updated with how my life is shaping up to be, wedding plans, and life.

So you saw that I said wedding plans. I am not officially engaged, but we're going to be as soon as "Mr. Dinosaur" gets into the military and goes to boot camp.
We pretty much have the date, the place, my dress, and the people all clicking together. Of course we're prepared to accept that what we're thinking the time is going to be could not be matching God's time. So that's ccovered.

Food. It's an issue. I have no idea what food will be prepared. Tacos was a thought, I'll be entering the details of what we have on here soon. I just can't do it now. But it's an spanish theme that seams to be taken place. So I'm just kinda wandering, waiting, for everything to be put together.

Waiting is hard, but I keep telling myself, God is waiting on me, not the other way around : [
Alright, so I must go now. Cook dinner lol.
Loveya,
Kiwi Lee