have you every wanted more friends?its not that my friends aren't enough or w.e...but i want more variety...egh but these people dont just apear...unfortunantly

Listening to Freddy Mercury.

Every once in a while I think I'm lying

Take it to the bank, I'll believe every word I say
(This just isn't how, this just isn't how)

Then again this is when you start your prying
(This just isn't how, this just isn't how)

But there's a thought it could be true

But this just isn't how I imagined it would be
With these random people just asking the most personal things
And to think that somehow I could always come clean
And you shake your head just like you know what I mean

You're Christian, tell the sinner, to find repentance, it's your last chance
You believer, where's your patience?
Answer questions, put on faces
What about God?
(To see if it's right or wrong, to listen to this song, I don't want you too)
What about God?
(And see if you're okay with all the words I say; it can't be this way)
What about God?
What does it mean?
What does it mean?
For you and for me, what about God?
All have fallen short.

Somehow, someone's more equal than others

Depending on the words we choose to say

A glance at her too long tonight
But everything I'm saying's right in your ears
We are all the sisters and the brothers
Until we find we don't believe the same

Like...

Gary's getting drunk to forget Sarah
Sarah's stealing money from her parents
Aaron's lying straight to Jon about Megan and the things that went on
Jessica's a gossip, Laura's a slut
Derrick hits Bridget, Ben deals drugs
Seth spends all his money gambling
Joey stopped praying

It is all the same thing

We are all the same people
With sinning hearts that make us equal
Here's my hand, not words said desperately

It's not our job to make (Force) anyone believe


-Emery

Outcast.

It's really hard when your "friends & family" start to... can't think of the word right now... but basically stop wanting anything to do with you. I mean they sat there and trashed the others for not being family... but yet they are doing the same thing. It's amazing how you can trash other people for things but then not much later you end up doing the same thing. I guess that's where you have to be careful of not judging anyone, or condeming anyone. You'll get tested with the same thing.

Another problem I'm having is feeling like... oh well I don't have that problem I'm glad he talked about it so he can be speaking to others. No, God speaks to us in each message we here, I believe. Whether you know what they've already said or not. We're not spiritually a know it all just because we think we worship different "deeper" or because we've heard all this and that, or because we believe we think we read our bibles more understand more or worship and spend time with God more. It MIGHT be that you do, but honestly your heart (as church service said last night) your heart is the gateway to your soul. It's the heart that counts. They could be yearning for God. Just doing what you think you should doesn't reflect on the heart. I hope I'm making sense.

I'm so frustrated and feel horribly, I feel like crap because i really only have two friends who will talk and hangout with no strings attatched nothing but truely hanging out with a friend. Plus my allergies have flared... first cold couple of days and I've been miserable. I'm going to the fair today so i took two allergie medicines and..... yeah.... hopefully I feel great... and i don't spend too much money.

okay so can't write much but i'm sseriously so frustrated... and just want to scream... i'm ready to get out of here! *screams on the inside*

Stress is a vibrant blue.

Okay, so, I was hoping to just continue the (give a name, yourself, of what I previously wrote here) or whatever you want to call it. But right now I really don't feel like it. I'm very stressed. Here I will spill all of it, to a certain extent. I feel like certain people are being fake, and to be totally honest with you only one of them I feel bad for. I'm missing the love, I'm missing the point. I feel so lost and confused. I feel like I can't hear God's voice and it's frustrating me. I feel like it's impossible to resist temptation. Yes, I have done it before, but in the big of it all. It seams lost. I feel powerless, now this is where what I read from 'The Shack' comes in. I need to stop being the one to control things, because overall it's not my job to control, and I never do have complete control anyways. *rolls eyes*. I need a car, and really badly. I need money, really really badly. I feel like I need it all at once. I don't but it really is bugging me and tugging at me weighing my mind. I love my best friend (my little papaya) she keeps reminding me i'm weightless and free. I wish it was as simple as that. I wish I could stop wanting to go the other way. What is freaking wrong with me? Why would I want to go that way? Stumble deeper into the darkness? Making it worse for me. I'm going to post my "testimony" soon. I'll start on it tonight, hopefully I won't chicken out. I am strong in Him.